For Rose
by DreamingOfStories
Summary: After Rose left the Academy to save Dimitri, many of her friends are left devastated, but they honor her in many different ways, each one of these ways are done for Rose.
1. Chapter 1

**Revelation Avenue**

 _Alberta's point of view on the events of the Strigoi attack at the end of Shadow Kissed and a very monumental discovery…_

I RUSHED down the steps of my dorm building, wielding a silver stake and gun, each tucked safely into the waistband of my black guardian slacks. After the Strigoi attack and our rescue, one could never be too careful. Sure enough, as soon as I walked out of the building, I noticed guardians milling about like bees. I'd never seen so many guardians all at one place—excluding the Royal Court. It was disorienting, really, to remember why they all were here—to replace all the guardians we had lost, and to discuss what would happen next. The events of the past few weeks had triggered animalistic response from Moroi and dhampirs worldwide, and we'd only barely managed to keep the number of angry people from bombarding the Academy. If they had their way, the royal Moroi would probably be here at the Academy, shouting at me, shouting at Kirova, shouting at one another, shouting at the novices for being not good enough, not strong enough, not smart enough, all while they sat back and shouted, not really accomplishing anything. Despite the rigorous dhampir mantra, _they come first_ , I never really found a particular liking to most royal Moroi. They all just shouted and argued, never really seeming to grasp the situation before arguing on behalf of themselves and not their counterparts, the dhampirs.

I sighed, wanting to just run back into my room and sink into the bed, to block out the tragedy and the darkness of sorrow that seemed to haunt the Academy. Having so many responsibilities of Head Guardian here at St. Vladimir's was really starting to catch up to me.

"Alberta!" someone called out. I whipped my head towards the voice, finding Kirova waving her hands anxiously. I jogged towards her and ducked my head as form of greeting.

"Ellen," I started off cautiously. Normally she wouldn't have actively seeked me like this. She would've sent a message and I would've come to her office…. I found myself dwelling on life before the attack. It seemed like ages ago. But I guess I shouldn't have expected anything normal, considering our situations.

"I need you to ask Guardian Hathaway to talk to me," she said, tucking a loose strand of hair away from her usually-tidy face. I noticed dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was a lot messier than its usual bun. "She hasn't been answering her phone, and it's pretty important."

I nodded. "Right away," I complied, then walked away. I supposed it was rude to walk away like that, especially from my superior, but I guess we all were out of sorts. I headed towards the math department building, but realized that class today was canceled. I wouldn't have to work my shift guarding this building today.

But speaking of Hathaways and students, I had to talk to Rose. I was sure that she would be entirely out of sorts, considering her already-fragile mental state and her participation in the guarding of the elementary campus. I'd also have to take back the stake I'd given her during the attacks. Even though many of the superior Court-based guardians had looked down on me for giving a stake to a novice, I didn't feel that slightest regret. Rose and Christian had been essential in the massacre of hundreds of Strigoi, and I was proud of their developments. Christian had showed the world how much the Moroi magic was needed in our fight against Strigoi.

I turned to the student dorms and opened the door. Yuri was behind the counter, and he looked up as I entered.

"Guardian Petrov," he greeted. "Can I help you?" He looked fairly surprised to see me here, and just as well. I rarely ever came to the student wing of the school campus.

"Call Rosemarie down for me, please," I said, sinking down into a sofa chair to wait. Yuri nodded and picked up the phone, punching in the numbers to Rose's dorm room. Hopefully she'd pick up the dorm phone, if she was even there.

Yuri raised the phone to his ear, and after a few seconds, put it back down, a puzzled expression upon his face.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, concerned. I was already beginning to imagine the worst possibility: that all the tragedy had taken her mental state beyond what was savable, that she went crazy, that she was caught in a fight with another student elsewhere. Without realizing it, my heart rate accelerated, and I clenched the arms of the chair. " _Is something wrong with Rose?_ " I repeated, starting to get worried.

Yuri slowly said, "The line said that the room has been deactivated."

 _Deactivated._ The word played in my head before the meaning fully sank in. A dorm room only deactivated if the student living there dropped out.

Rose had dropped out.

 _Rose had dropped out._ The words hit me like a wave, and I jerked upright. "Call Vasilisa, Christian, Eddie… and Adrian please," I said, mind swirling. Why would Rose leave? I never expected Rose, such a wise person beyond her age, to make such a rash decision. Clearly she would've had a very clear, important reason for her to leave. I knew she wouldn't leave just because of the sorrow and tragedy…she'd endured Spokane. But then again, maybe this past tragedy had pushed her beyond her limits and made her go crazy, along with the effects of spirit. Whatever the case, her friends were bound to know.

Surprised by my anxiety, Yuri viciously nodded and once again punched in several numbers into the phone. He mumbled quietly to each of them, so quiet that even my guardian ears couldn't pick up. Or maybe I was just in shock.

I'd known Rose since she was a baby, as a friend of Janine's. I'd raised her for Janine while she was away, and I'd been probably the main parental figure in her life, even if she didn't see me as that way. I probably cared for her just as much as Lissa, or even Janine herself. I couldn't believe that I hadn't predicted her doing something like this. I couldn't believe I didn't try to stop her. What if it was all my fault that she'd left, and what if she got killed while she was away? I would never forgive myself.

My thoughts were interrupted by Yuri's voice: "They're on their way to your office now, Alberta."

I gratefully nodded and headed out the door, practically running to my office. A few of the guardians still milling about gave me weird glances. I usually was the picture of calm, and in my current state, I supposed I looked odd.

I burst into my office, surprised to see that Lissa, Christian, Eddie, and Adrian were already seated in the couch opposite my desk. Deirdre was there, too, surprisingly. Her office was two rooms down from mine, and she'd probably let them in while they were waiting for me to arrive.

"Lissa, Christian, Eddie. Adrian. Wonderful to see you," I said, sliding into my chair behind the desk. They nodded in greeting. All of them seemed extremely tired, and Lissa looked as if she'd just been crying—and very severely. "I've just received word of Rose," I continued, looking at their faces for reaction. Christian and Eddie looked curious and puzzled, while Lissa and Adrian looked as if they were expecting this. Adrian was drunk, I could tell, but I couldn't blame him. With all the tragedy and sorrow going on at this time, spirit users were bound to be struck very intensely.

"I need to know the reason for Rose's departure," I said, clasping my hands in front of me and staring into each of their eyes. I felt like a police investigating them, and technically, I wasn't allowed to pry Rose's friends for her reasons. She was no longer a student at St. Vladimir's, so I wasn't supposed to care for her anymore. I hoped they wouldn't realize that it was illegal to demand them to tell me about Rose.

"Rose left?" Christian asked, bewildered. Eddie looked just as surprised, but as a guardian-in-training, he'd kept silent.

"This morning. We know her mental health wasn't exactly up to par, and we fear that she may have endangered herself. Deirdre, I hope you realize this. Please tell us anything that may help us find her so that we can prevent her from harming herself."

"No!" Lissa shouted, standing up. "You can't search for her," she said, this time more quietly, and it looked as if she had given up on something. "You can't…"

"Why?" Deirdre asked. "Last time I met up with her, she didn't seem sick or unstable, but I know for sure that if something had gone wrong with her mind she'd want us to help her."

"But she's not sick!" Lissa yelled. I was shocked. Lissa never lost her temper, but now she clearly was angry and sad and a little bit hurt.

Deirdre looked just as exasperated and seemed like she, too was on the verge of screaming. "Then tell us why! What other reason could possibly explain her actions? If you can't explain why she'd leave, then we will have to go on the search without your help, and that isn't exactly what we want to do." Deirdre apparently cared for Rose as much as I did.

Lissa finally sat down, rubbing her thumbs against the scratchy material of her dress. Looking down, she finally admitted, "She went on a search to kill someone."

"And how is that something that a sane person would do?" Deirdre interjected.

"I told you before, she is not insane!" Lissa's eyes blazed.

"Adrian, Christian, Eddie, would you like to say something?" Deirdre asked, in that damnably calm way of hers.

The friends exchanged glances: Eddie and Christian confused, Adrian wary.

"To kill a Strigoi," Adrian specified.

"Killing Strigoi is something she would do if she graduated anyway? Why is this one kill so essential for her?"

Lissa, so quietly that I could barely hear, whispered, "Because it was Dimitri." Then, louder: "It was Dimitri, okay? IT WAS DIMITRI." She looked around, as if those three words had explained everything.

And it had.

I saw the realization dawn on Christian and Eddie's faces before I realized it myself.

It was Dimitri. And… had they been in love? It would explain everything, I thought. Yet I still denied it. How would Dimitri neglect his duty so much as to date his _student?_ Love was unreasonable, they all said.

And it made perfect sense. The way Dimitri had always stood up for her, when no one else did. The way he held her on the plane while she screamed, and screamed, and screamed, the expression in his eyes so broken that I almost wanted to cry myself. The way…the very way he looked at her, acted around her, had been there for her, the way I hadn't.

And that struck me.

As much as I had tried, I hadn't brought the comfort into her life that Dimitri did, and that hurt. I felt like I'd failed her and her mother.

And now, when I should have been protecting her, loving her as Dimitri had, she was off and about, probably going to kill herself while trying to protect the one _she_ loved.

I admired the strength of her love.

And I decided to follow her lead. I loved her, cared for her, so I would let her do what she needed to. She needed to do this for her love, and I would do this for her.

"Let her be," I said.


	2. Chapter 2: Christian

**Chapter 2—Christian POV**

* * *

 _Hi everyone, I'm back with a new chapter in Christian's point of view this time. Thank you all so much for the reviews and it means so much to me. :) Hopefully I will be able to update two more times this upcoming week (?) but if not I will definitely make it up the week after. Next chapter will be either Eddie or Lissa's POV, and then after that I will just continue events that occur at the Academy while Rose is away, and these events will be non canon events. Thank you so much, and enjoy!_

* * *

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" I yelled, fists clenching. Normally, I never would have yelled at Lissa, but as her boyfriend, I felt that she seriously done one of the worst things of almost any relationship—secret keeping.

"Why do you care so much anyways?" She countered. "It's my life. I can control what I tell you and what I don't, and besides, it's Rose's secret to tell! Not mine. Don't you get that? Plus, you never even liked her. You only dealt with her because she was part of my life. And this is just proving it. You're taking Rose's leaving as a justification that I was keeping secrets! And you don't even care about her! You ask first why I didn't tell you, not first if she was okay? What type of a boyfriend does that?"

"You can't tell me what I feel, Lissa. Do you really think so lowly of me? That I wouldn't even care about the girl who saved my butt from Strigoi so many times? I can't believe you! I even planned a _goddamn birthday party_ for her! Do you know how much I would do to have her back, safe? She wasn't just _your_ friend, Liss. Maybe you don't know this, but friends are people who keep the ones they love safe, not let them run off to some fucking suicide mission!"

"Friends are ones who respect their friends' decisions and choices," she said, tears in her eyes. Her voice had dropped down to a hoarse whisper, and mascara was running down her face in a black stream.

"I do respect it! But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have let her go without a fight! Without trying to convince her! All you did was sit back and let her go do whatever she wanted; even if you claim you're respecting her. It's a suicide mission, Liss. Why didn't you tell her it wasn't worth it just to try and save some mentor guy that taught her, when she was risking _her own life_? If she really knew what loss is like, why didn't she think of us? Why didn't she think of how _we'd_ feel if she died, or turned?"

"Wouldn't you do it for me?" Lissa asked simply.

"That's not the same th—"

"I know Rose would let me do it for you, and God knows how much I'd be willing to do that for you."

My eyes teared up and I looked at the ceiling, praying they wouldn't fall. There went my masculinity.

"I know Rose would let you go because she would have _gone with you._ I know her. I know she would have gone with you, and that would be okay, because she's meant to protect you. That's who she is. But you let her go by herself on a suicide mission and that's what's _not okay!"_

Lissa looked shocked. A sense of doom, or realization, passed across her face and I immediately regretted my words.

"Gone… _with her_?" Lissa whispered. I wasn't sure if she meant that she hadn't thought of it, or that she was horrified that I'd suggested such a thing, but either way, the anger sparked in me again.

"So what are you telling me now, Liss? You couldn't care to think of that? You wouldn't have gone with her? That's the least you could have done. The best option that you should have done was still to not let her go off on the suicide mission, but the least you could have done was go with her to save her stupid celebrity crush. I can only imagine how she feels. She'd do anything for you, Lissa, _anything,_ yet you couldn't even help her in the tiniest of ways. I know I'd be betrayed if I were her."

"But wouldn't you let her go? If you were in my position? She probably didn't want anyone to go with her," she said the last part with some hesitation, but continued, "because that's the only way she could move on with her life. To kill Dimitri the Strigoi, because that's what Dimitri the dhampir, the one she loved, wanted her to do. He would've done it for her. And doing it with someone else would've only been wrong, because, you know, sometimes things you do out of love have to be things you do alone."

If it hadn't been for the situation, I would have laughed out loud. Rose had intruded on our "things you have to do out of love" plenty of times.

Instead, I said, "But that's because I love you as my _girlfriend._ Dimitri and Rose—that's something different. _Philia_ , not _agape_."

Lissa's eyes widened.

"You don't know?" she asked. "They were in so much love! How could you not have seen that? They probably never had stupid fights like the one we're having right now. They probably had love stronger than ours. I saw Rose, Christian, before she left. I saw her heart in her eyes, and I saw each and every piece of her broken heart in them. It broke me, Christian, you don't know. I know _philia_ better than anyone else, and what they had was definitely more than that. Her broken heart broke my own, and it crippled me to think that I couldn't have stopped it. That I couldn't have helped her, couldn't have realized it earlier, that _I was the one who kept them apart._ " Her voice was agony. "And it was the least I could do to let her do what she wanted. It was the only thing I could do to make up for all that I'd done to hurt her. She told me herself that she was tired of protecting me and doing things for me when she wanted to put herself first, and this was the only thing I could do to let her put herself first. Asking her to stay would only be selfish, and imagine her hatred for me if I made her stay. That's something I'd never be able to bear."

"Oh, Liss," I sighed. Her knees were trembling, far worse than I'd ever seen, even in her spirit-mad states.

And seeing her agony, realizing the strong bond between the two of them—and not just mentally—made me understand. Not that I'd ever be able to understand, or experience that much _philia_ , but I understood why Lissa let her go. Why Alberta did. And most importantly, why Rose did what she did.

Out of _agape._

And then now, the least I could do for Rose, was to protect Lissa as much as Rose had while she was gone.

 _For you, Rose,_ I thought.


	3. Chapter 3: Eddie and Lissa

**Ch. 3—Eddie POV**

After Alberta called us in for the meeting, the rest of the day flew by. I ate lunch with a few of the other novices, not wanting to be with Christian, Lissa, or Adrian, or really anyone who would refresh my wave of sorrow over Rose. The PB&J sandwich was soggy and tasteless, and I chewed mechanically, not really focusing on anything. I was just finishing up on the last bite when Stan came up to me.

"Eddie," he said, looking nervous, "Alberta needs to talk with you. You should probably go meet her in her office."

I groaned internally. She'd already called me up to her office this morning—and holy goodness, at six o'clock in the morning—and my head was still processing the entire conversation.

 _"Rose left this morning…"_

 _"Her mental state is fragile…"_

 _"To kill Dimitri…"_

 _"Suicide mission…"_

The words haunted me. I was _not_ looking forward to this meeting with her, but I got up and threw the scraps of my lunch away. As I returned to the table to retrieve my backpack, I saw Lissa there, standing awkwardly.

"Hi, Lissa," I said monotonously.

"Eddie, I want your help on something," she said.

"What's up?" I asked, genuinely concerned. If I was struck by a wave of sadness at Rose's departure, Lissa was probably hit by a hurricane. I slung my backpack over one shoulder and stood in front of her. An intense, palpable tension filled the air as I struggled to not turn away and run to Alberta's.

"I want to go find Rose," she said, looking me straight in the eye. The eye contact was making me seriously uncomfortable.

"…Liss, you were the one who said not to go after her."

"Yeah, well I changed my mind. I want you to help me find her and then I'll go find Dimitri with her. And I'll heal him. And then you can—"

"I'm not going to help you find Rose. Or Dimitri." The words tumbled out of my mouth, and I was surprised that I'd actually said them. Normally I would have done anything to help my friends, but this time, I really did want to respect Rose and her decisions. I understood her, more or less, because I was her only guardian friend.

"Why?" Lissa looked shocked, and she covered her mouth with a manicured hand.

"For exactly the same reasons as you said earlier to Alberta. And besides, I'm not going help one more friend go kill herself."

By this point, the rest of the cafeteria was staring at us, whispering to their friends. I didn't care.

"Eddie! But you _have_ to help me! Don't you understand? I need to help Rose!"

"What happened to earlier, when you said that she had to do this for Dimitri?" I asked, suddenly aggravated.

"I'm not saying that I'm going to stop her, I'm saying that she _doesn't have to do this alone_."

"Well, you might as well go kill yourself now! Same thing, isn't it?"

I'd had enough with the conversations about finding Rose. I grabbed my water bottle from the table and pushed my way past Lissa, who was still there standing in shock. My backpack bumped into her shoulder, which seemed to jolt her awake. She turned to watch me walk away, haunting me with her sad green eyes.

Walking out the door, I heard whispers from the students, mostly from those who knew us—or even those who'd heard at least one of the plethora of rumors that seemed to revolve around Rose and her friends.

 _Dimitri? Her mentor? What's to care about him?...Rose left? I guess it was inevitable. She was insane, anyways… Lissa didn't go where Rose went? So much for best friends._

Gritting my teeth, I passed by all the students and pushed the heavy oak doors open. A cool breeze greeted me and slapped its icy hands on my face, making me shiver. But it did nothing to cool the fire of anger in my heart.

I strode across campus, backpack thunking heavily against my back. By now I'd embraced the cold. It was just where I belonged. A cold place for a cold soul.

I finally reached Alberta's office building and peeked through the glass sliding door. She was at her desk, back facing me, focused on her computer screen. The Google page was open to search results on _depression and how to get over it._

I gently rapped on the door and Alberta whirled around in surprise. Gracefully, she stood up and opened the door, letting out a burst of warmth, which I involuntarily leaned into.

"Eddie Castile. So lovely to see you again," she said, ushering me in. I walked in, hesitant. Any signs of Alberta's earlier stress were gone, replaced by her usual professional calm.

"I wasn't expecting it," I said truthfully. "Is this regarding Rose?"

Alberta sat back in her spinning chair and I lowered myself into a recliner, dropping my backpack onto the floor beside it with a loud thud. My back was straight and tense, hands clenched into fists. I jammed them into my jeans pockets, hoping she hadn't noticed how strung up I was. I'd already displayed enough weakness for a future guardian to her.

"In a sense, it is. But more specifically, I'd like to talk about Lissa." She paused, clearly uncomfortable.

"I'm listening," I told her, leaning onto the edge of my seat.

"It's quite obvious that Rose was intended to be Lissa's guardian," she began. Already I was not liking the direction that this conversation was going.

"Yes," I agreed.

"And seeing that she has left the Academy, it deems that we should find a new guardian for the Princess. Queen Tatiana has found one suitable guardian so far, and you shall be her other. You will begin training with her this afternoon. And seeing that you and Lissa are not mentally bound, this will be practice for Vasilisa as well, so she can learn how to communicate her needs and such with you. Rose, if she ever does come back, will not be her guardian, and at most just her dropout dhampir friend who will be a shame to Vasilisa's public image."

I was horrified. Not only was Alberta speaking like she was reading from a textbook, but she was betraying Rose, who she had defended just earlier this morning.

"Excuse me, Guardian Petrov, but Rose _will_ come back. And when she does, she _will_ become Lissa's guardian again. You can't give up on her. It's only been a day. Maybe wait a few months and then I'll see."

Alberta narrowed her eyes. "It would be unwise to decline my offer," she said, her voice dangerously soft.

"Well, I'm sorry," I said, spreading my hands out and leaning back into the recliner, "You're out of luck. I'm saying no."

"But Eddie—think about it. Isn't this what Rose would want? For Lissa to have a capable, caring guardian? Besides, you'd be getting excellent real-world field experience that most novices only get after graduation."

My mind was a whirlwind. It made sense that Rose would want me to protect Lissa in her absence, but somehow it still felt wrong to just _replace_ her as if she were merchandise at a store. Seeing my indecision, Alberta said, "Why don't you think about it, dear."

I nodded and reached down for my backpack, tossing it over my shoulder once again. I opened the door and stepped outside, nearly bumping into Christian as I did.

"Have you seen Lissa?" he asked, voice urgent.

I stood still, stunned by the suddenness of the confrontation.

"Have you seen her?" he repeated, impatiently shaking me.

"I was just—I was just talking with her like fifteen minutes ago. In the cafeteria, but if she's not there, I have no idea where she would have went."

"Okay, thanks, Eddie," Christian replied, sprinting off to search somewhere else.

After a split second, I grunted and ran after him. Catching up to him was quite easy, and as I reached his side, I clamped onto his shoulder and brought us to a halt.

"What's wrong with Lissa?" I asked, worried. I hadn't really meant to hurt Lissa that much, I just wanted her to realize and understand my point of view on the chain of events that'd happened this past week.

"I don't know," Christian said simply, seeming very exhausted. "She was supposed to meet me in the—in the attic of the church, but she didn't come. I don't—I don't…" he tripped over his words, the rasping coughs escaping his throat blending into his speech.

"And she wouldn't have missed _that,_ " I said wryly.

"Shut up, Castile. Look, you can help or not. I don't want to waste time talking to you."

I started walking even before he finished his sentence.

 **Lissa's POV**

After Eddie left, I sank into the seat that he'd just vacated and put my head into my hands. What was wrong with me lately? I'd been pissing off all of my friends this week, and all for the wrong reasons. I knew, intellectually, that I was completely wrong and that all my friends were right about Rose—about everything, really. But I was ruining everything, from my friendships to my grades to my mental state.

To keep my mind off of the dark, churning thoughts, I pulled out my phone from my backpack pocket and opened up Flappy Bird. I was an expert at it, which frustrated Christian whenever we competed. His top score was only eight, while I could play for four or five straight minutes without interruption.

It wasn't anything to be proud of, though. The only reason I'd had so much practice with the game was because my therapist—who, despite her own taint of boringness, still seemed much livelier than Dierdre, Rose's therapist—suggested that I take on a hobby to keep myself and spirit's effects at bay.

I was on a streak of nine minutes—which was unusual, even for me—when a gush of cold wind hit my back from the opening cafeteria door. My finger jerked, causing the virtual bird to collapse. I groaned. Two more minutes and I would have beaten my record. I closed my eyes, seeing the remnants of the bright phone screen behind my eyelids. Maybe I needed to rest for a while after all that concentration. I put my head in my hands and tried to dream of happy, calm things, something that would make me feel better about my current life.

Just as my breaths were beginning to even out, I felt the bench dent beside me, and I spread my fingers apart, peeking from in between the spaces. It was Jesse, holding a tray of mashed potatoes and steamed carrots, and I groaned internally. Externally, I did nothing. I was too exhausted.

"Hey Princess," he drawled. "What's up with you? Your girlfriend took off without you? Too bad for you. I guess there's no one to protect you now, is there? Belikov is off on his Strigoi rage, and with your dhampir slut going Strigoi next, you've got no one. No one to protect you from this." He trailed a finger down my cheekbone, leaving shivers down my face. I didn't push him away, even though every cell in my body was cringing.

"Don't touch me, Jesse," I said tiredly, and turned my face away—to stare right into the ugly faces of Jesse's sidekicks. I hastily turned back to Jesse.

"I can tell you want me, don't deny it," he said, his eyes dancing mischievously.

"Get _off_ before I make you see snakes and spiders again," I threatened.

"Oh, you won't. Alberta will expel you if you do."

"She'll expel you once I tell her what you're doing to me right now."

"But you won't tell," he said mockingly.

The buildup from all my stress finally ignited. I pulled into my spirit and lashed out.

I showed him all my pain. I compelled him the way I had a few weeks ago, before Rose had taken out the darkness and put it in herself. I compelled him to think about my pain of Christian, how he was so right about Rose, but I never wanted to believe him. How I hated being wrong. How Christian was right, but it frustrated me, and how mirthlessly fate had unraveled for me this week.

Apparently thinking about Christian was the wrong thing to do, because as if Jesse could feel my love for him under all the exasperation, he leaned into my face and attached his lips onto mine.

Instead of prying away, I dropped my compulsion and directed all my fury and passion into the kiss. He tasted like butter and potatoes and vegetables. He kissed me fiercely, with a bruising force, much harsher than the long, loving kisses from Christian. Closing my eyes, I tried to pretend that I was kissing Christian, and not my worst mortal enemy, Jesse.

A sigh resonated throughout the cafeteria, and it brought me back to reality, that I was kissing Jesse—Jesse!—and Rose would _definitely_ hate me now if she knew. But just as I started to pull away, Jesse grabbed onto my sweater and pulled me even closer. By now I'd stopped kissing him back, and he desperately kept begging my lips to open, to kiss him again. His tongue traveled across the seam of my mouth, disgustingly. He kissed me again, with a hard, aching force, and as I opened my eyes, I could see that he was solely concentrating on getting me to kiss him back—and not concentrating on keeping me from escaping. I dragged his hands to clasp around my neck, so that his hands would be occupied. I dropped my hand from his hair and rested it on his hips, giving me enough leverage to bring my knee up into his groin. My knee connected and he groaned, hunching over and grabbing onto his package.

"That's for messing with me, you piece of scum," I said, breathing heavily. "Haven't you learned your lesson yet? I thought you had, the other day. Do you remember what day I'm talking about? Because I surely do." I cocked my head, waiting for his reply, but he was still bent over.

"And I guess it seems you haven't learned your lesson. I don't need anyone to protect me. I'm fully capable of protecting myself."

Jesse nodded, the first thing he'd done since I'd hit him.

"And now, what do you see, Jesse?" I threw some spirit into my voice, willing him to see his worst nightmare, relive his worst fear.

By now, the whole cafeteria had inched in, closer to our table, trying to get a glimpse at what was happening and at what Jesse was "seeing."

"I see…I see spiders."

"Should I add in some snakes, Mr. Zeklos?"

Jesse shook his head furiously, which only spiked my interest.

"What do you see now, Jesse?"

"…It's… It's eating me—!" His words were cut off by an ear-piercing scream that escaped his lips. The students around us instinctively raised their hands to cover their ears, but I didn't mind. I reveled in the scream, using it as my fuel.

"Look down at your arm, Jesse," I commanded, making a "crocodile" chew onto it.

"Please, please stop," he begged, putting his hands on either side of his face.

Just as I was about to make a cockroach appear in his mouth, Rose's words came unbidden to me.

 _It's not you,_ she'd said. _Break out of this, it's not you._

I struggled to fight against the spirit, letting the compulsion drop, but the boiling rage in me was still going strong.

 _Lissa,_ Rose's voice said to me. I remembered her bravery, her fixed determination to do whatever she aspired to, her unwavering faith in me—even when I surely didn't deserve it.

And remembering her belief that I was _good,_ that I could fight against the spirit and use it to help people, not to harm them, broke me out of the phase.

As I stood there, shivering, watching Jesse's broken face and the looks of horror—and even more disturbing, looks of entertainment—on the audience's faces, I realized that maybe, I wasn't worth Rose's faith. And that maybe, even the people with the greatest of intentions needed protection too.

With that, I turned sharply on my heel and ran for the woods.

 **Eddie POV**

By the time I'd already finished scouring the entire main school building, Christian had just about finished looking through the bathrooms and dorms.

"How'd it go?" I asked, not really expecting a positive answer. Already we were twenty minutes in to our hunt, and not a single trace of Lissa was anywhere. We'd searched the cafeteria, lower school buildings, and now the bathrooms, dorms, and high school buildings, with still no trace of her.

"Not anywhere I searched. I asked a few girls in the bathrooms if they'd seen her, but nothing came up. Other than the peculiar looks they gave me for being in the girls' restroom."

I attempted a weak smile. "Let's try the cafeteria again," I suggested. Christian nodded, and together we walked towards the cafeteria.

Just as we were about to open the doors, Alberta walked by.

"Hello, boys. I need to speak with Eddie for a moment," she said, crisp and curt.

I opened my mouth to protest, but seeing Alberta's stern look, complied, and went to her side.

"Plans have changed," she said, wasting no time. "You are to begin training with Vasilisa in three hours. Meet with me at my office at that time, with Lissa. You, her new guardian, and her will be going to the city and running some errands for me. And I know you haven't exactly agreed yet, but this is something you need to do. And, I don't like it, but if you fail to comply I'll have to mark your records." She finished the last portion tiredly, rubbing at her forehead.

"I—"

"Thank you, Eddie, I will see you soon," she concluded, walking off. I blinked, kind of confused, just as the double doors to the cafeteria burst open and high school students came spilling out.

Each one of the students that were walking out of the cafeteria was walking fervently to their friends, gesturing wildly with colorful displays of emotion. I wondered what had happened in there that had made everyone so excited. I leaned forward, trying to catch a glimpse of what had happened inside, and saw a figure hunched over at the table that I was at almost an hour ago. My heart leaped, hoping it was Lissa, but one of the students that was blocking my view moved away and I saw curls of dark brown hair and a distinctly masculine figure. Yep, not Lissa.

"Eddie!" Christian called from the side of the building. I jogged towards him.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"I don't—"

Suddenly a quick, lithe figure darted out of the rear doors and past the crowd, faster than any Moroi I'd seen. She had platinum blonde hair and was wearing a short velvet dress that was getting covered with bits of grass as she flew across the grassy field beside the sidewalk that led to the Montana forest. Was that—

"Lissa?" Christian breathed. I half-expected him to go run after her, but it seemed that he'd been glued in place.

"Come on, big boy," I muttered, hauling him inside of the now-empty cafeteria. We'd spent the good part of an hour searching for her, but now that we'd found her, it seemed like she'd be better off alone. "Let's go get her stuff."

I walked to the table that still had Lissa's backpack on the bench, tugging Christian along the way. Her phone rested on top of a soft cardigan that was thrown haphazardly over the bag, and it was open to Flappy Bird with the score of 780 displayed on it. I whistled under my breath. "Dang."

"Come on, you moron, I haven't got all day," Christian muttered, apparently alive again.

"Yes sir," I said sarcastically while slinging the backpack over my shoulder and draping the cardigan over my arm. Her phone was now off and sticking out of one of the jacket's pockets.

We walked towards the exit, very deliberately ignoring the figure that was still sitting at the table. When I'd walked in, I'd been surprised to find that Jesse was the one who'd been crying at the bench. Maybe that was what everyone had been gossiping about, but somehow I doubted it. Something about the way Lissa had frantically run out of the cafeteria was bothering me, and indicating that something very wrong indeed was going on. Not that anything had been fine before, but I feared that Lissa had reached her breaking point on the horrible events of the past few weeks. I wondered if Jesse was the one strand of hay that broke the camel's back, so to speak.

As soon as Christian wrapped his fingers around the door handle, a voice stopped us.

"If you're looking for _her,_ don't bother," Jesse said stonily. He spat out the word "her" as if it were poison. Christian and I glanced back, wary.

"Don't tell me what to do," Christian snapped back, eyes blazing, then turned back towards the door, but just as he went to open the door, jerked back in pain.

"Been studying fire techniques, haven't you, Jesse? Trying to be as perfect as I am?" Christian said, rubbing his hand.

"No one with a girlfriend that crazy would be perfect," Jesse shot back, nodding towards the door.

Surprisingly, I heard myself say, "What did you do to her?" My voice was almost unrecognizable, hard and distant. As much as I didn't like Jesse, still I had never expected to use my scary voice on him; I thought I'd reserved that primarily for when I'd encountered Strigoi, or Victor Dashkov.

"Not so much what _I_ did to her but what _she_ did to _me,_ " Jesse replied, studying his hands with a bizarre expression on his face, as if they were foreign objects. I realized that he was probably embarrassed that he was admitting weakness, but no matter how much I struggled to sympathize with him, I still felt boiling hatred. Jesse swiped at his shoulder, as if dusting off a spider.

Christian stood, paralyzed by the door. His face was a mask of horror, betrayal, yet he looked enraptured by Jesse's words, wanting to hear more, even if it was something terrible. At that moment I wanted nothing more to go and smother Jesse's mouth with my hand and comfort Christian, but I doubted Christian would appreciate it, and plus, I also wanted to hear what had happened.

Jesse smirked, seeing that we weren't leaving and that we wanted to listen to him. A flame of annoyance burst inside of me and worked its way out in the form of words.

"Continue, Jesse, or I will break your pinky finger _and_ laugh while doing it," I hissed. Jesse's grin waned, and continued.

"Your girlfriend here tortured me with her spirit," Jesse said, shivering. "In my opinion, magic like that should be banned. What person should be able to wield so much power? The power to control someone so completely like that? Why is this power only given to certain individuals to use, and then they use it for the evil and not the good? Lissa made me see my worst fear: the things that haunt me and make my bones shiver in my body. No person should be able to do that. It's evil and it's terrible, and anyone who would do that to any soul is a _monster._ " Throughout the speech, Jesse's voice had risen and by the time he finished, he was standing and nearly screaming. His eyes were rimmed with tears, and I thought at that moment that that was the most I'd ever seen from Jesse, and he seemed so _human._

"Lissa brings an unexplainable, miraculous magic into our world, and while it may have its setbacks, Lissa's very capable of learning how to use it for the good. Everyone has their mistakes," Christian said, but his voice was wavering, uncertain.

"Go believe that," Jesse said, and this time he merely looked defeated. He sat back down with a thud.

"Come on, Christian," I said, taking his arm and dragging him out of the cafeteria and onto the worn path into the woods that Lissa had taken. And even as we were going to save her from her spirit dilemma, I couldn't help but wonder if Jesse was right.

Lissa POV

I ran into the woods, sharp branches tugging at my hair and scratching my calves as if saying, _stay with us, we're safe._ But what was safe anymore? I thought I'd had spirit under control with Rose helping me out, but apparently not. As much as I wanted to lie down and stay with the darkness and mystery of the trees, I wouldn't give myself what I wanted. What was I? I was a monster, and monsters didn't deserve to get what they wanted. So I forged on into the darkness, using the minimal light from the receding sun to guide me past rotting logs and dainty wildflowers.

What seemed like hours later, but was probably less than five minutes, I found myself in a patch of mossy greenness without any trees to canopy, so evening sunlight filtered in gently, giving the small niche a wondrous, otherworldly aura. I sat down on a log, not bothering with trying to hide from the sun. I deserved the punishment—and actually, I deserved more than just discomforting myself with sun. Angry, I picked up a sharp branch that was lying on the floor, and began rubbing it against a rock next to the log, sharpening it even further into a razor-fine point. By the time I'd finished, my back was aching from hunching over, and blisters from the sun were developing on my arm. Maybe I should have worn long sleeves today, or put on some sunsc—no, I didn't deserve that.

Frustrated once again, I drove the edge of the stick under my skin, tearing it open. As if from a distance, I heard myself cry out as fat drops of red blood rolled down my arm in a steady stream. Even in my worst moments of spirit-madness, I'd never cut myself this bad before, because Rose had always been there to help me, to believe in me, to make _me_ believe in _myself_ even if, at the moment, I'd been so utterly hopeless and tired of living that I'd given up on myself. But now, with Rose gone and away, and no one but the trees and sun to be here in this moment with me, I kept cutting, not caring about the consequences. I put the stick to my skin once again and drove down, but the tip broke off before I could make any serious damage. Angry, I slashed again at my arm, making scratches but nothing deep enough to draw blood.

 _Rose,_ I begged internally, trying to gain some strength from the memory of her that was still fresh in my mind. Rose looking down at me, her fierce, determined expression that was partly covered by a curtain of silky brown hair; Rose walking with me, comforting me with eyes that were as gentle with me as they were unrelenting with Strigoi; Rose protecting me from the harm of the world. But just as quickly as the images flew upon my mind, they disappeared to be replaced with fresher memories: me, torturing Jesse—twice now—and me screaming at my friends in such an un-Lissalike manner.

Caught up in my thoughts, I didn't hear them approach until they were just a few feet away from my little niche. The footsteps crunched on the fallen leaves, breaking twigs, and I felt like prey being hunted by predator. All I wanted was time alone…

"Lissa!" one of my pursuers called out. I closed my eyes and hid my bleeding arm behind my back.

"Lissa, open your eyes for me," the voice said again, and I melted into the familiarity of it. Christian, of course.

"You're bleeding," his companion said, gently prying my arm away from my shirt. I let him, and felt the shirt stick to my skin.

I popped my eyes open, and was immediately greeted by a pair of ice-blue eyes belonging to Christian. I searched them, frantic, looking for any signs of distress, or even disappointment in me; after all, after all I'd done, I expected Christian to be mad, not concerned. But all I saw in his eyes were a genuine anxiety and love—love so intense that it almost brought me out of my hazy state. Almost.

"What are you doing here?" I attempted to ask, but my voice came out sluggish and incomprehensible.

A spark of worry burst inside Christian's eyes, and Eddie said, sharply, "It's the sun, and the blood loss. We need to get her back, quickly, before the sun comes down. I don't know how stable the wards are right now."

Christian nodded and hauled me up into his arms, and I went willingly. Only now did I realize the extent of my condition. As he pulled me into the shade, I could see my skin lined with terrible, terrible bruises and blisters. Many of the blisters had opened, leaving my skin red and bleeding. My right arm, though, was by far the worst. It looked like the stick had pried my flesh open, and I could just crane my neck enough to see leaves and dirt falling into the wound. My whole body ached and stung like crazy. My neck and back were sore from hunching over, my shoes had somehow gotten lost along the way to the sunlit place which left my bare feet scratched and inflamed.

The rhythmic beat to Christian's hurried pace lulled me to sleep…


End file.
